For no particular reason today I decided to start running. Well, okay, jogging. Realistically it was like fast walk- shuffling, barely getting my feet off the ground one after the other.
So here’s what happened. I was walking the dog, Twiggy. We were on our usual Menomonee River Parkway trail.
There were few other humans in sight.
For no particular reason, I decided to pick up the pace. Once I did, Twiggy must have thought, “Finally!!!” She went faster. I tried to keep up with her. Faster still she went. She starting actually dragging me.
I tried to slow down. I prayed that the good Lord would blind the eyes of anyone who caught sight of us.
I thought I might have an asthma attack. I tried to slow down. Then I realized I was keeping up with the Twiggster.
Please don’t think this was fun. This was insanity. I hate running.
When we got home, I thought I would try “Forrest Gumping it” through a box of chocolates! That’s really more my sport.
No chocolate in the house.
So I did what any reasonable human would do, I took a hot bath , some ibuprophen, and tried to regain my dignity.
If you happen to come across me someday on the trail getting dragged by a cute, fluffy dog, please have the decency to avert your eyes.
This will save both of us a lot of shame!
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